March and April have flown by….KC turned 12 and #1 Son turned 15. And as I reflect on the past few weeks, “fear” is what comes to mind. New fears, old fears….I feel like I’m living in a constant state of fear. It’s kind of my basal rate…always there in the background. Which seems odd to me, because although I am a self-professed worrier, I am really a “find the silver lining” type of person. I’m used to always looking on the bright side on things. But not lately…maybe I just need to get those fears in writing and face them. So here goes:
– the onset of teenage driving in our very near future. #1 son can get his permit at anytime now that he is 15.
At this point, I have absolutely no idea how I will react when he actually starts driving. I can’t bear to think about it for too long. It is unfathomable.
– the always present, always unpredicable Type 1 diabetes
Most days, I feel like we’ve got a handle on it. Until….a volleyball game, or party, or bad site, or broken meter or insurance bill and so on and so on.
I remember the initial fears after her diagnosis. Fears for her future, fear about whether or not I could give my kid a shot, fear about the calculations that needed to be remembered, fear about making a mistake.
Then came the insulin pump. New set of things to learn; new mistakes to make. Now I can’t even remember how we managed on daily injections.
In August, KC’s endo told us we could adjust her basal rates temporarily to help battle lows and highs. What? Me change those numbers, even temporarily, without consulting a doctor? Are you nuts? But we tried it. And it helped. We have other CWD friends who have never attempted it even though they’ve been on the pump years longer than KC—fear is definitely a factor for them.
And in April, at her latest endo appointment, KC’s doctor suggested changing her bolus rates temporarily when she is going low from sports. WHAT? ARE YOU NUTS? And we haven’t tried it yet….too scary.
But these directives to be more independent scare me even more because we are being led to the day when KC manages this all alone. We are already on “send in BG results as needed” instead of at a set date. I panic trying to decide “should I call these in or wait a couple of days?” And I swear, I don’t know how people without CGMs do this….I’m not being paid by Medtronic (or given any samples etc) but I can’t imagine not having the CGM and mySentry. So guess what, KC “thinks” she might want to try the Omnipod for summers and swimming….did you hear my groan?
But as L.Frank Baum wrote in The Wizard of OZ “The true courage is in facing danger when you are afraid.” So to the cowardly lion in us all…Keep Calm and Carry On!